What the hell is a DTR?

One of my newest obsessions is a fantastic show on TBS called “My Boys.” I love, love, love, love this show. So, it should be no surprise to anyone who knows me that I’ve started picking up some bits of humor and regurgitating them as my own. However, I’ve recently begun using a phrase from a recent episode that has raised a few eyebrows – the “DTR.” (Click here, then click on the episode clip titled “Second Chances, Part 3” to see the scenes discussing the DTR – be patient! It’s toward the end of the clip). The DTR is the “defining the relationship” conversation – that dreaded moment when you feel like you’re 14 and passing notes in biology class again. Are we boyfriend and girlfriend? Are we only going out with each other now? Will you dance with me at the Valentine’s Day formal to the song from “Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves?”

Have I discovered a newly coined phrase? Are my friends just late to join the slang bandwagon? I did a little bit of crack internet research to discover the background and origin of the DTR, and what I found actually made me guffaw. Not giggle, not laugh quietly to myself, but full-on guffaw. It’s a damn good thing I was at home doing the research, not sitting in the middle of class.

Here is the collection of sites that I’ve found that outline the modern DTR, in the order in which I read them online:

Wikipedia article – disappointing and tragically lacking.

iVillage – also known as “The Site Where Hormonal Women Go To Congregate.” If I wanted to bitch about a man, or air my woes about my barren womb, this is the site I’d hit. From that perspective, this article is entirely predictable.

Stanford’s Newspaper – really? The DTR warranted an article in a faux Ivy’s newspaper? Maybe I should be forwarding this to the Res Ipsa…

Biblical Version – yes, you read that correctly the first time. If you can have a relationship with God, then naturally, at some point, the two of you have to sit down for a DTR. Hopefully, God doesn’t dump you over a large cone with two mix-ins. (If you don’t get that part, then clearly you didn’t click on the last link)

And finally…. The inevitable online quiz – I find it funny that one would trust an online quiz to tell them whether it’s time to have the DTR with that special someone. I mean, I fully trust online quizzes to tell me things like which superhero I am (Spiderman – fine with me, so long as I can have push-up support in my spandex) or what type of American accent I have (Bostonian – WTF??). However, I must draw the line when it comes to a web application telling me and my man that we’re ready for the pre-commitment sit down.

Although, the resulting graph seems to describe, with astounding accuracy, the relationship that I have with my most frequent bedfellow:

We love each other, but just don’t communicate the way I’d like. I suppose it’s time to have the DTR….

Nah, she’s too cute to kick out if I don’t get the answer I want.